Raw Emotions

Hey friends. This blog entry is going to be a little bit of a different one. It’s raw emotions and things that I’ve kept bottled up for years, and I figure if this blog can (hopefully) help someone else, maybe it can help me, too. Because sometimes I get tired. Tired of trying. Tired of fighting to be heard. Tired of fighting to be taken seriously. Tired of trying to belong. Tired of speaking, but no one listening. Tired of crying. Of feeling overwhelmed. Depressed. Anxious. Alone. Afraid. Asking for help but not getting it. Trying to be strong, but wanting to fall down. Tired of apologizing for things that aren’t my fault (which I’ve totally stopped doing, btw). Tired of being told how I should live my life. I’m just tired. And you know what? That’s OK. We all get tired every once in a while. Sometimes we just finally realize that enough is enough, and whatever we’re going through, we can’t take it anymore. While it sucks (totally sucks), it can actually be a blessing in disguise. Maybe there’s a silver lining somewhere in there. Our body’s way of telling us, ‘hey, this situation isn’t healthy. Let’s find a way out of this. But first, you will have to go through some pain and raw emotions.’ That’s not say that I still don’t feel all of those things listed above, because I sure do. So much so that I sleep more than normal. Don’t really have much of an appetite. Cry myself to sleep more than I want to. People always say to just fight it…fake it till you make it. I don’t want to fake it. I want to face it, head-on, because that’s the only way to really get through it and grow, in my opinion. As much as I wish it wasn’t happening, and I wasn’t having these feelings, I’d rather deal with them now, than 5 years down the road when they will surface again.

I’ve noticed that when I start to feel like this, it’s (for the most part) because of two reasons. One, not spending enough time with myself to process and just be. I’m an introvert, with anxiety, and I know that I need to spend time alone in order to recharge my batteries and reconnect with myself. But, sometimes I feel guilty about it, or I really want to spend time with this person, or that person…and then I put myself last. Two, not being connected with my faith. I’m a believer, I try to go to church as often as I can, I read devotionals, but when I lack in this area, it shows. This also goes hand-in-hand with spending time with myself, to not only connect with myself, but also to reconnect with God. Obviously there are other things that come into play when I feel this tired. I’m also the gypsy type. I like to take adventures, explore, move from here to there, but I also crave structure, plans and peace. We are all different, but that’s the fun part, right? If we were all the same, what a boring world this would be.

After years and years (starting back in the fourth grade) of being told I’m worthless, ugly, of fighting to be heard and seen, fighting to be taken seriously (among other things), has finally taken its toll. I’ve finally reached the point where I either face this once and for all, or spend the next 20+ years feeing this way…and that’s just not an option for me anymore! I’m doing what I should have done years ago and putting myself first. I can’t expect anyone to do this for me, so here I am, taking a stand, for myself!

So, this blog was more like a journal entry than anything else, but it helped me. If it helped you, then yay! Stand up for what YOU want, what YOU believe in; which hopefully means–YOU.

It’s A Wonderful Life

Since I was little, a Christmas tradition has always been to watch the classic holiday movie It’s A Wonderful Life. I’m a sucker for old black-and-white movies, but this one has such a sweet feeling to it. The first year I lived away from home and was getting all of my presents wrapped up, packed and ready to travel the 1,000 mile trip, I had this movie playing. It was such a warm feeling because it reminded me of home and I couldn’t wait to celebrate. It’s also a movie I often reference when I hear people talking about how the world would be a better place if they weren’t in it. If you have seen the movie, then you know what I am talking about. If you haven’t, then let me give you a brief synopsis.

George Bailey was a full energy, I-want-to-see-the-world kind of guy. He had plans of traveling to far away places, doing great things in the world. He falls in love with Mary and as they’re about to jet off on a grand adventure, something happens. George makes a decision that put a damper on those plans. They stay, have a family and never really got to take that grand adventure. For years, he can’t shake the “what if” feeling. “What if we had gone. Where would we be now?” He sinks into a depression. Starts detaching from everyone, and got the idea that the world would be a better place if he was no longer in it. He thought everyone would be better off. Well, along comes Clarence, George’s angel. He allows George to see exactly what would happen to his family if he really did end his own life. He sees his wife depressed, alone, sad, scared and wanting to die. He sees his Mom and Dad not knowing who he is, because, well…he never existed. No one knows him. No one was blessed with his ideas, energy. His old boss that George helped save his life, well, he was dead because George was not there to save him. His kids did not exist. The town was a dark, dreary place without him in it.
Then Clarence brought him back to reality and finally George saw the error of his ways. One of my favorite lines of the movie was when Clarence told George: “You see, George, you’ve really had a wonderful life. Don’t you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?”

Friends, your life affects everyone around you, whether you know it or not. Think of what an awful hole that would leave. Keep believing in yourself, and I promise you one day, you are going to do incredible things. It will get better, I promise. Just rent this movie if you lose hope. It will restore it 🙂


Believe In Yourself!

Hey guys!

So, I know I haven’t been the greatest at blogging in a timely fashion, but I promise to be better! It’s a new year, and it smells fresh and exciting. I know in my last post, I talked about my resolutions, but I have a couple I want you all to make to yourselves.

1. Believe in yourself. You are a wonderful, beautiful soul and you can achieve anything you put your mind to. Trust me, I know how hard it can be when you hear words thrown at you, and people breaking you down, but don’t believe them! Believe yourself. No one knows you the way you know yourself, so why not believe in that person?

2. If you’re going through something rough, reach out to someone. I know I have said that before, but it is so important. You are not alone, there are people who love you and want to help you…let them.

3. Dream big. Look inside of yourself, realize your potential and know that no dream is too big.

I was lucky enough to travel to Indiana with Stand for the Silent to help speak at a couple of schools. We talked to 800 students, of all ages. It was life-changing. When a girl comes up afterwards to say that she had a plan of taking her own life–the time, method, notes written, etc–it changes your life. I shed quite a few tears, and I am still speechless at what an incredible experience that was. I wish organizations like this existed when I was in school, or that I at least knew about them. But, we’re here now to help this generation, and maybe they will help the next, and so on. You CAN make a difference, all of you!

I have a movie suggestion for you all. If you’re looking for an up-lifting, inspiring movie where a boy overcame serious obstacles, chased his dreams when everything seemed unattainable, and became an amazing artist–please rent My Left Foot. It is one of the most incredible and inspirational movies I’ve ever seen, and it’s one everyone should see.

Alright, friends, I am going to leave you with this.

Remember this! Absolutely nothing is impossible. Believe that.

Until next time!


Hello, Friends!

Hello friends!

My name is Alyssa (pronounced Alicia), and I think no matter where I live, I will always call Minnesota home. (I am currently living in Nashville, Tenn.) I love my family, fishing, hockey, ballet, glitter, and, of course, Ryan Gosling. By now, you’re probably wondering why am I blogging? What’s the point behind this? Well, it’s simple: I want to put a stop to bullying—school bullying, cyber bullying, all of it. It has to come to an end, and I am here to help make that happen. I was bullied every single day from fifth grade up until my eighth-grade graduation. Some days were worse than others, but they all left scars. Some scars I didn’t even know were there until recently, and some I’ve been trying to cover up since the day they happened. It doesn’t matter whom you are or where you come from, making someone feel inadequate and small to the point where he or she wants to take his or her own life is never OK. Never.

In the following posts, I will be talking about my experience, my efforts to stop bullying, and offer advice and, most of all, hope. I am by no means an expert, and I will never pretend to be. What I will do, however, is to let you know that you are not alone. I know it may feel like you are at times when hurtful words are being thrown at you, and on days when all you want to do is hide in your closet. (Yes, I have done that; like my parents wouldn’t realize they were missing a child.) You are never alone.

I never really had friends in school . . . in fact, they all used to beat me up (literally) and tell me I was worthless. So, I just thought that was the norm, and I learned how to be friends with just myself. (My parents became my best friends.) I convinced myself I didn’t need anyone else.

Now that I have REAL friends—friends who accept me for who I am and nothing more or less—well, I’m just not used to that. I am always on edge, thinking that I will lose them eventually. It’s hard for me to be myself sometimes, because I fear no one will like the real me.

Whether you are the one bullying, or the one being bullied, we all need each other.

I’m here to listen and to show you that this is not the end of your story. You have your whole life in front of you and you are going to do great things with it. My hope is that you believe that. My prayer is that bullying will be stopped, and I believe that if we all come together, we can make it stop. I know I won’t stop trying to make this a reality.

If you’re asking me how I got to this place, I’ll tell you. I was, like I said, bullied relentlessly for years and I could never understand why. I kept wondering why God would put me through such pain and torture. (I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.) I finally realized that He put me through that to give me the strength and wisdom to use my experiences to help someone else. And that is what I wish to do. If I can help just one child, save just one life, my mission will be complete. Of course, I want to put an end to this completely, but if just one child is saved by my actions and words, then I will have fulfilled my purpose.

So, this is for the boy who is afraid to get on the bus for fear of getting beat up; to the girl who is afraid of recess because she will have to either play by herself again or have names screamed at her. This is for you. I know what you’re going through, and I promise you two things: (1) I am here; (2) it DOES get better. If you believe only one thing from this blog, please believe that it will get better. That is one promise I can stand by. I am (as well as many others) living proof that it does. You will overcome this and be a stronger, wiser person.

So, let’s talk! Introduce yourselves, and let’s all just be friends.



Want to e-mail me directly? Shoot it here: letsallbefriends1@gmail.com